I'm having nightmares.

I had several last night. They were very graphic and disturbing. I considered talking about what exactly happened in these 3 nightmares but I've decided not to, because they are just that freaky and I don't want to spread the madness.

I'm a very inquisitive person. If something happens and I don't know why it happened, well gosh darnit I must find out! ASAP! So, like most people who find themselves in this conundrum, I googled that shit.

The definition of nightmare: A dream that occures during REM sleep which creates feelings of anxiety, fear, terror, and usually awakens the sleeper. 

Well duh.....I'ma need more info than this! I know what it is, I just don't know why it happens. Oh glorious and omnipotent Internet, please enlighten me so I may one day be able to avoid these terrifying things my crazy brain creates.

Nightmares, unlike night terrors, can be recalled afterward and are accompanied by much less anxiety and movement. These frightening dream experiences, which tend to occur at times of insecurity, emotional turmoil, depression, or guilt, can occur in all age groups. (Thanks www.healthscout.com!)

Well I already knew I was feeling all of those things, so there you have it. My nightmares are apparently a result of my mind recognizing how motherflippin' stressed out I am about life at this very moment.

You may be asking yourself, "Oh Jess, why are you so stressed, darlin'?" Or you may not care at all, but in that case why are you reading this? Go away! So if you do care, here's a list of why (I like making lists.):

• I'm having family come to visit very very soon.
• When I know people are coming to my house, my anxiety goes through the roof and I go on a mad cleaning spree.
• My house can't possibly get clean enough before people arrive, which makes me even more anxious.
• I've been feeling grotesque lately as I recently had a baby (12 weeks ago) and although I knew my body would never be the same I refuse to acept that and have been working out a lot and really pushing myself to lose the weight fast. I am an over-achiever, always have been.
• Aforementioned baby is having his 3 month growth spurt which means I've been getting hardly any sleep. I breastfeed on demand and when LB is hungry he eats every hour, round the clock.
• I'm a bit of an OCD control freak, so when all of these things are happening (visitors, messy house, hungry hungry hippo baby) I get panicky because it's all seemingly out of my control.

So we have the what, we have the why, now we need the how in the name of baby Jesus do we fix it? First site result suggested psychotherapy and medication. Yes I'm well aware that I'm crazy but most medications don't jive well with breastfeeding and I am very determined to breastfeed exclusively for a while (at least the first year). What else is there to help?

The Internet knows me well, and provided a list of ideas (Wee, another list!):

1. Relax before bedtime. Meditate, take a hot bath, drink herbal tea or do mild stretching exercises. (These certainly sounds like things I could do. I love baths, I loooooooove tea, and I should always be stretching, particularly since I've been working out so much.)
2. Clear your mind of worries. Make a list of problems and possible solutions, and then look at them the next day. (This is going to be challenging. Not the making a list part, obviously -heehee- but the not worrying part. I worry constantly! Here I am worrying about worrying....oh goodness...)
3. Avoid watching the evening news, horror movies or movies with graphic violence right before bed. (Another easy one, although now I remember reading a very depressing news story right before going to bed last night. Oops. It was so horrible I was crying over it. Okay so no more of those....)
4. Eat a light snack such as milk or yogurt. Both contain calcium and tryptophan, which can have a relaxing effect. (Ick...I am not a dairy person. I'll stick with the tea.)
5. Avoid fatty and spicy foods, which could cause gas and, in turn, nightmares. (So that means I can't have my snack before bed? Last night it was a tortilla with chicken, cheese, and green chili salsa...oops)
6. Give up smoking. Nicotine has been linked to certain sleep disorders. (I don't smoke. That was the easiest step yet!)
7. Stop using any drugs that are not essential to your health and well-being. (I only take a pre-natal vitamin and fenugreek at the moment, so no worries there.)
8. Write down your nightmare when you wake up in a dream journal. Try to figure out how it relates to your life at present to prevent it from recurring. (Isn't that sort of what I'm doing right now?)

I need to be cutting myself some slack here. LOL. I laugh because people have been telling me that forever, and I rationally and logically know it's sound advice, but anxiety disorder is nothing if not irrational! It's a tale as old as time. Once upon a time there was a crazy girl named Jess. The End.

I will definitely be trying out the tea and the stretching today. I will also do my best to understand that there will always be things which I cannot control; that doesn't mean my whole life must come to a screeching halt as I scurry about frantically trying to line everything up.

I need to go through my 101 list again and tidy it up. I copy/pasted from another person's list and changed a few goals, but the way it's formatted is not to my liking at all! List FAIL! But that can wait for another day.

Love love!